Utada can kiss my ass

The title of this post needs some qualification. I’m a fan of Utada Hikaru’s work. Not a huge fan, but I own Distance and Deep River. She’s good. Not great, but good.

But now she’s remade herself as “UTADA,” a simplification entirely aimed at reducing the mental strain of American consumers to whom “Hikaru” is just a bit too foreign. Her “debut” album is Exodus, of which Easy Breezy is the flagship single. If you haven’t heard this little ditty, consider yourself lucky. Even though it’s sung (almost) entirely in English, it’s utterly inescapable in Japan.

The most egregious use of it is in commercials for the Nintendo DS. First of all, Easy Breezy is a song about shitsuren, or lost love. What in the hell does that have to do with video games? Second, the clip of the song in the latest commercial ends on the line “And that means… you look stupid.” Is that the kind of message you want to send to potential customers?

The meat of my argument, however, is about the song itself. Take a look at the lyrics. “You’re easy breezy and I’m Japanesey.” Is that not the worst line you’ve ever heard? Who in their right mind could possibly think that the word “Japanesey” was a good choice? It’s downright embarrassing. And this is not due to her lack of English skills. She went to Columbia, for Jebus’s sake! To make it even more painfully obvious that this is a “Hi! I’m Japanese! Buy my album!”-style self-introduction, she uses the two Japanese words most Americans probably know, completely gratuitously, in the line “Konnichiwa sayonara it was nice of you to stop by.” She should be ashamed of herself.

For the reasons listed above, I officially put Eazy Breezy on my shitlist. If Utada Hikaru UTADA comes to her senses, she will escape being added to the list herself. Otherwise she’ll be no better than Britney Spears in my book.

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