Hobo-tastic Journey: Final chapter

Finally the day was Sunday, the day of the event I had come all this way to see: J’s wedding. I had to abandon my plan of wearing one of those t-shirts with a picture of a tux on it at the behest of the bride. Instead, I dusted off my fancy business suit for the occassion, yet again forgetting to bring dress socks. Luckily this was a wedding (with open bar), not a job interview.

Sunday

9:00 AM

Wake up at R’s house. Use the shower, vainly attempting to navigate the veritable labyrinth of body- and hair-care products.

10:00 AM

Breakfast of cereal and fruit. The first decent breakfast I had since leaving Minneapolis.

11:00 AM

Demonstrate the magic that is Google Earth while fending off the attacks of little children.

12:00 PM

Lunch on cod roe (たらこ tarako) spaghetti, making the third full meal I mooched from R and family （本当にすみませんでした！）

1:20 PM

Tearful goodbyes as I left for the wedding.

1:30 PM

Park in paid lot. Will this be the end of my penny-pinching streak?! Read on to find out…

2:00 PM

Wander the halls of Memorial Union searching for the groom’s party.

2:30 PM

Interminable picture taking.

3:00 PM

Ceremony begins and ends with great efficiency. True physicists at heart, they had a judge instead of a priest.

3:30 PM

Open bar begins.

4:00 PM

Food served. This was my fifth free meal for the trip.

5:30 PM

Drafted into the role of “cameraman’s apprentice” for a whole damn hour. I held his infrared-sensing portable flash thingy that didn’t actually go off most of the time.

6:30 PM

Danced like an idiot for hours to the likes of “Jump Around,” “Without Me,” and the wedding-essential “Apache.”

Monday

12:00 AM

Hauled presents to cars, then stumbled back to my car. Noticed cops standing around the parking lot entrance, probably enforcing the after-hours unmanned payment system. I decide to leave the car where it is and take a nap.

4:00 AM

Wake up, leave unattended lot without paying (ha! Take that, Wisconsin!). Drive to Eagle Heights, park in a residential lot and go back to sleep.

9:00 AM

Wake up, drive to the SERF. Pay $0.40 for metered parking. Shower.

9:30 AM

Raw ramen for breakfast. Clip my nails on the sidewalk.

10:00 AM

Leave Madison for Red Wing, MN, where I have a sister city meeting to attend in the evening. I only vaguely remember how to get there, and my computer’s battery is dead so I can’t look it up. I decide to trust my instincts.

12:30 PM

I correctly choose I90 West over I94, but can’t recall the next turn off. I stop at some random god forsaken village’s McDonalds and find that I’m probably only 40 or so miles from the Minnesota border. Having earlier calculated a fuel efficiency of 32 MPG for my car, I figure I’ll have just enough gas to make it to Minnesota.

1:00 PM

I cross the border with the fuel indicator on “E.” There’s gotta be another town with gas soon after La Crosse, right…?

1:15 PM

Wrong. I take the next turn off and find nothing but farmhouses and a Bobcat dealership. I ask the only people around where the nearest gas station is, but it turns out they’re clueless tourists from New York. With my fuel indicator now pointing below “E” I suppress my sense of impending doom and get back on the highway…

1:30 PM

…but it’s the wrong highway. By the time I realize it, I figure it’s too late to turn back. I have to push on and find gas, with the indicator somehow indicating a negative amount, but billboards tell me the closest sign of civilization is 12 miles away. Do I have 3/8 of a gallon left?

1:45 PM

I do! I make it to Wabasha, MN, home of the movie “Grumpy Old Men,” and buy $10 worth of gas. at $2.96 per gallon, that should be enough to get me another 90 miles, which should easily take me to Red Wing. Luckily enough, the gas station attendant says I’m on the right highway, and all I have to do is follow it north for a while. Huzzah!

2:30 PM

Arrive safely in Red Wing. Try to get suit dry cleaned for meeting, but they don’t have same-day service. Damn.

3:00 PM

Find free parking and public library. Revive computer and blog.

5:15 PM

Attend Red Wing Sister City Commission meeting. Pretend to get jokes told by boisterous old man.

6:30 PM

Drive back to Minneapolis through rolling hills and fields of corn.

7:45 PM

Arrive in Minneapolis.

So I made it back home having spent only $2.76 within the state of Wisconsin, and with overall expenditures less than $30. Pretty good, I’d say.