Fiscal diarrhea

日本語の要約： 卒業してからずっと実家で退屈していたら、やっぱりお金をついつい使いすぎちゃった。いつものアイスコーヒーやら中古の CD やらはともかく、新しい仕事に備えてのお土産とかでも足が出た。会ったこともない人たちにお土産をあげるってのはなんだか賄賂っぽくない？

A summer at home with nothing to do results in an economic phenomenon I like to call “fiscal diarrhea:” There’s nothing to do but spend money.

Of course I tried (although not very hard) to get a job for the summer. I was this →| |← close to being a barrista at Starbucks, but the mechanically chipper woman on the phone did an about-face when I mentioned I’d be leaving the country in August. Apparently they don’t let their barristas telecommute. How 1990s.

So with nothing to do but spend money, I’ve found my days filled with an overabundance of iced coffees, low-fat raspberry nut scones, used CDs, and the occasional moving violation or two. And yet it gets worse.

The tradition of お土産, literally “local product,” is a long and rich one. Basically when you go somewhere cool for vacation, you bring back local delicacies for your boss and coworkers. Somehow that also covers bringing what amounts to a bribe to your boss and coworkers you haven’t even met yet when starting a new job. Or at least that’s what all us JETs are supposed to do. So, striving to be the best faceless worker lemming and mindless American consumer I can be, I did my duty: I shopped ’til I dropped.

What I got for…

my boss:

bottle of Minnesota whiskey (yes, such a thing exists!) with cutesy Minnesota-themed shot glass

the mayor:

bottle of Minnesota vodka with cutesy Minnesota-themed shot glass

some other bigwig guy:

bottle of imported gin (Minnesota gin sucks, apparently) with cutesy Minnesota-themed shot glass

my coworkers:

box of assorted chocolates, made by Minnesota company

each of the 6 schools in the area:

same as above

The total damage: about $200.

Now for my big announcement! I know for a fact that Apple will release updated iPod nanos in the next few days. Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, amake? you might ask. I know this because I am about to buy an iPod nano, and that can only mean that updates are imminent.

To determine the exact date of release, just take the date I purchased the nano (probably today) and add the number of days in which Apple will allow items to be returned without a restocking fee, plus one.