I can’t believe it’s not golf

Quick recap of the last few days:

On Saturday my boss took me to the next largest town, Yawatahama, to buy a bicycle. After checking out two stores, we realized that there was no way the bike would fit in her car. We gave up, and then went to her house for dinner. It was a simple Japanese home-style meal much in line with the “less is more” aesthetic: Fried tofu, pickled(?) lotus root, and tomatoes topped with chirimen, which is tiny little dried sardines. When I mentioned how surprised I was to find crabs in the rivers that run through town, her father excitedly led me outside, flashlight in hand, and showed me the nocturnal shrimp that also live in the river.

On Sunday, a 3rd year ALT from the next town down the peninsula drove over and took me to the Seto area Bridal Festival. There were a number of events going on: Kids running around a pool trying to catch fish with their bare hands; an outdoor BBQ that cost way too much ($25); a bridal fashion show; and in the evening, fireworks.

Last night, my boss’s father took me to play something I guarantee you’ve never heard of: Short Putt Golf.

Quick Japanese lesson: Golf is golf. “Putter golf” is mini golf. “Short putt golf” is yet another thing entirely, although if you really think about it, “Short putt golf” is more like miniature golf than mini golf is.

Now that you’re confused, here’s the deal: Take an ordinary golf ball. Then take a badminton shuttlecock. Have them go on a romantic dinner and then make sweet love. 9 months later, what you get is a Short Putt Golf ball: A golf ball with shuttlecock feathers.

The point of adding feathers is that the ball doesn’t travel nearly as far, and makes a quick drop near the end of its flight. Instead of multi-hundred yard courses, you use maybe 25-50 yard courses, and the goal is to get the ball into a net shaped like an upright-turned umbrella.

The rationale for this is that Japan has precious little land to waste on golf courses, so real golf costs upwards of $100 per round. With Short Putt Golf you can play with limited space, such as on a baseball diamond. Since the “holes” aren’t fixed in the ground, it’s also portable.

Now, in America, golf is for old, rich, white folks. In Japan, there are no white people (except me). And we’ve established that Short Putt Golf is not for rich people. So that leaves “old,” and boy howdy, let me tell you… I think the average age last night was pushing 60. They were all very nice, though, and were practically falling over themselves to give me advice on my swing. Of course it didn’t help that I completely whiffed my first three attempts.

Some of you may be wondering why there seems to be a 1:2 ratio of English to Japanese articles lately. The reason is that you English speakers leave lame comments. Be more interesting.