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Lies, all lies

Posted: November 5th, 2006 | Author: | Filed under: Humor, Japan, Poetry | 5 Comments »

Bubble Man II: Soda Planet

I had one of those days. One of those days where there’s a swirling pit of black, burning ooze at the bottom of your stomach and you can’t tell if it’s there because there’s something horribly, horribly wrong with your life and everything in it, or simply because you ate too many peanuts.

I was going to write the above paragraph yesterday, I think, but then I lost the will to blog.

Today I realized that my job has degenerated into lying to children. “My name is Noguchi Saburō.” “I don’t speak English.” “I’m 72 years old.” “I’m a robot from the planet Beebledybop.” My excuse is that they seem to enjoy it almost as much as I do.

I finally gave in to deliciousness and tried Suntory’s BUBBLEMAN II: SODA PLANET beverage of carbonated bliss. It tastes like liquid candy. On the side of the can, BUBBLEMAN himself informs you that the can contains “Even more advanced BUBBLE TECHNOLOGY.” He then urges the customer to “Experience ORIGINAL BUBBLES.”

K and I decided to rename Japan “Wacky Land.” Just throwing that out there.

I finally got my new computer at work. It’s quite nice. Except that it’s completely useless, as they have yet to connect it to the LAN. How long does it take to get the IT guy to grab a CAT5, climb one flight of stairs, and connect the goddamn computer? These people make glaciers seem like F1 racing cars.

So clearly the honeymoon period is well over by this point. It was fun while it lasted.

Edit: After facetiously claiming over IM to be weeping gently into a mikan peel, I was challenged by M to write a poem about my love life using that imagery:

実らぬ秋みかんの皮にひと雫

5 Comments on “Lies, all lies”

  1. 1 JJP said at 2:31 on November 6th, 2006:

    “These people make glaciers seem like F1 racing cars.”

    That made me nearly spew the coffee I was drinking all over my laptop.

    Bubbleman was a strange disappointment for me as well. It was like drinking force-carbonated Karo. Too much intensity. Do they still have the TV CMs for the product running? They were hilarious.

  2. 2 Krissa said at 15:53 on November 7th, 2006:

    In one of my e-mails to some friends back home, I totally wrote it out as “Whackey Land”. I guess my mind is in the gutter.

  3. 3 WenWen said at 22:27 on November 8th, 2006:

    Thanks for sharing about lying to little kids. I had the best laugh. But makes me wonder what kind of scrwed up pple you are trainning them to be. =P lol.

  4. 4 Noah said at 23:21 on November 8th, 2006:

    Our whole world is built on the lies we tell to kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way, not when it’s so fun :)

    And I’m still too scared to try BubbleMan the Second.

  5. 5 amake said at 17:08 on November 9th, 2006:

    JJP > I haven’t seen any commercials. Too bad; maybe they’re on YouTube or something.

    Krissa > I don’t know that “wack” as in “wiggedy wack, yo” has an accepted spelling, so if you just claim that you were writing in Ebonics I think you’ll be ok.

    WenWen > Don’t tell anyone, but I’m a secret agent for a country I can’t name here. I’m trying to take Japan down from the inside. Phase One is “corrupt the children.”

    Noah > Don’t be afraid. BUBBLEMAN is a messenger of peace.

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