Saving money

I haven’t been getting out much lately. I’ve almost convinced myself that that’s ok, though, because it means I don’t spend money. But even with my rampant, impulsive, caution-to-the-wind saving, it never hurts to pinch every penny just a little bit harder. I’ve come up with these tips to help you, my loyal readers, save a little bit more this year.

Poop at work

That way you don’t have to pay for toilet paper, or the water you flush.

Pee in the shower

This will also save you flush money. Remember kids, “winners don’t flush.”

Always “take a penny”

Even if you have exact change, pretend you don’t and take a couple extra pennies from the “take-a-penny-leave-a-penny” tray. After all, your taxes paid for that tray.

“Draft” while driving

“Drafting” is a technique utilized by professional racers in which you take advantage of the wind tunnel created by someone in front of you, reducing your own wind resistance. While driving, get as close as possible to the car in front of you. This will improve your gas mileage, allowing you to slash your gasoline budget.

Dine on supermarket samples

Depending on the day of the week, time of day, supermarket chain, etc. you can get practically a full meal just by eating the samples. Pick up a box of something-or-other like you’re going to buy it, walk around eating samples, then return the box to the shelf before you leave.

The path to riches is lined with other peoples’ TP. It’s a fact; look it up. (You down with OPTP?)