I’ve run 1000 km.

(Not all at once, of course.)

“Well I suppose I won’t really be alone forever.”

He avoided her gaze, pretending to look intently at the sporting goods store rolling by the train window.

“Oh?”

“Eventually I’ll be desirable simply by virtue of not being a screw-up. I’ll have a job and a car and a savings account, and some woman will give up on her hopes and dreams and settle for me.”

“Oh shut up.”

“No, it’s true. Our tepid love will sputter out in our cookie-cutter home in the suburbs, where we’ll raise our 2.3 kids and pretend that everything worked out for the best.”

The train jerked as it rounded a bend. His white-knuckle deathgrip on the handrail narrowly kept his hip from bumping the old woman to his rear.

After a brief silence, she replied.

“Well I’d say you’re being silly, but that actually sounds about right.”

Madison is the beer capital of the known universe, according to brewologists and beeronomers. In fact Lewis Black has a great bit about how he’s gotten drunker for cheaper in Madison than anywhere else in the world. All I have to say to that is, keep on truckin’.

It’s true; for better or worse, Madison has a culture of drinking. Not just drinking, but drinking to excess and beyond. That certainly can be a problem, especially when outsiders take advantage of that and start riots on State Street every year on Halloween. But the bright side of this is that Madison is full of people who love beer, and when people love beer they make good beer.

I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce my favorite brews, some local, some not, to serve as a guide for someone who has yet to venture out into the wild world of beer.

Local Wisconsin beers

Emerald Isle Stout

This is a beer brewed and sold exclusively at the Great Dane Pub, a Madison bar and restaurant that should be designated a national treasure. They have an amazing selection of home-brewed beers, and the food at the restaurant is good enough to make it worth dragging along your teetotaling friends or children.

The beer itself is, as all stouts are, very dark and earthy. But it’s not as bitter as their porter, which I found to be too much of an acquired taste. If you like Guiness you’ll love the Emerald Isle Stout.

Crop Circle Wheat

Another Great Dane Pub original, this one is very fruity and light; it drinks more like juice than beer. I like to call this one “the beer that beer haters love.”

I like to think of Crop Circle and Emerald Isle as being on two opposite ends of the beer continuum, so a neophyte should try both to get an idea of what’s out there. Note that Crop Circle is a little unique in that it’s unfiltered, making it cloudier and giving it more texture than your standard fare.

Spotted Cow

This is made by the New Glarus Brewing Company, and is a staple of local beer lovers, as you can’t buy Great Dane beers in most stores. It’s on the fruitier end of the beer spectrum, maybe closer to the middle than Crop Circle Wheat. It’s very flavorful, but not so much that it becomes overwhelming after a couple bottles.

Raspberry Tart & Belgian Red

These are super-fancy brews also by New Glarus. Forget that Miller bullshit; these are the real champagnes of beer. They’re only available in larger liquor stores like Woodman’s or sometimes at Copps, and they come in big, wax-sealed bottles. They’re extremely fruity and a little on the expensive side, so they’re best saved for dinner parties with more refined people. Don’t try to chug these at your friend’s brother’s cousin’s houseparty that you crashed after smoking a bowl.

Nationwide brews

Honey Weiss

My favorite by Leinenkugel’s, a Wisconsin brewery. Technically I suppose they’re a local company, but they’re famous enough to be available outside Wisconsin. This is a lighter beer with a very subtle honey overtone. This seems to be the beer positioned at the right point on the price-flavor curve that makes it good enough to drink readily and in volume, while still being reasonably inexpensive.

Blue Moon

Blue Moon is made by the Coors Brewing Co., but don’t let that stop you. It’s right up there on the fruity side of the beer spectrum between Spotted Cow and Crop Circle Wheat. This is definitely available nation-wide. It’s very flavorful and can become overpowering in large amounts.

Guiness

This is the Cadillac of beers. It’s dark, creamy, and delicious, but you pay the price for it, as this is the only non-domestic beer on my list. When in Tokyo I readily payed ¥900 for a pint of this ambrosia from heaven.

Honorable mentions

Killian’s Irish Red

Between the light, golden ales and the dark, earthy porters and lagers there’s a whole domain of red beers that I’ve never really gotten into. This is definitely good but I haven’t had a ton of it.

Coronoa Extra

This is an extremely light beer from Mexico. Some people say it’s garbage starch water. I happen to like it. Be sure to squeeze the lime into the beer.

次にブログを書けるのはいつになるのかわからないけど、みなさん楽しみにしていて下さい。愛媛のど田舎ライフをおもしろかしくお送りしたいと思います。

After an awesometastic day of running around doing errands, packing and repacking my bags, etc., I’m finally heading off for Chicago tomorrow and then Japan on Saturday. Wish me luck!

Update: I arrived in Chicago on time and on the ball, only to find that room checkins were delayed, from the original noon until 3:00 PM. After about 4 hours of shooting the breeze with other lobby dwellers, the first of many, many orientations began. The motion of the heavens, the atomic clock, a standard wristwatch, etc. will tell you that it only took a little over 2 hours. But after being yapped at interminally about Frank Lloyd Wright for 45 minutes, you’d have a hard time convincing me that any less than eons elapsed in that sterile environ they call a “conference room.”

It’s now the day after, 6 AM. I’m getting ready to spend many more eons of waiting around at O’Hare, then on the plane, then at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport, then on another plane, and then doing that awkward lift-shuffle-lower-stretch-yawn-repeat dance they call “customs.” I like to think of sovereign nations as gated communities; the only difference is they don’t do a good enough job keeping the Jehovah’s Witnesses out. (Ooh, I’m naughty)

School’s out, baby!

They had a wave start system, by which runners’ starting times are staggered according to how fast they think they can finish. I must have underestimated my speed, because I was passing people the entire time. When registering, I guessed I would take about 50 minutes, but I ended up with a respectable 40:36 (that’s a sustained rate of 7.5 mph).

Highlights of the run included:

• three frat houses in a row blasting “Eye of the Tiger,”
• some guy in a police uniform running with his two young sons dressed in black-and-white pinstripe prisoner outfits,
• Uncle Sam on stilts,
• and the slow, piercing sensation of forming a new blister at the site of a large callus. This was just after the 3/5 point.

All in all, it was a lot of fun. All along the path there were nice people cheering us on, despite the cool weather. I may have to look into other event runs in Minneapolis and Japan in the future.

I was looking at my bank account online and noticed two ATM withdrawals that happenend in St. Paul and Minneapolis while I was at school in Madison. There was just no way it could have been me that made those withdrawals. So I called the bank up and talked to a teller, who opened a fraud case for me.

Then I got curious.

I put the ATM addresses listed online into Google Maps. Guess what? The MSP airport is technically in St. Paul. Guess what? The dates listed online can be a bit off, and the Minneapolis withdrawal was just two days after spring break.

Now I get to call the fraud investigation department and tell them how big an idiot I am. Go me.

The moral of the story is: Google >> Jesus.

I was webmaster of the Madison Japan Association for about 3 years. I didn’t do all that much; my main accomplishment was redesigning the website to be standards-compliant. It bugged the hell out of me that the old site was made with Frontpage, making it nearly impossible for anyone without that fetid pile of shit software to maintain it. I wouldn’t say I’ve been all that helpful to the organization; in fact I’ve often been guilty of ignoring emails, postponing translations, skipping meetings, and other miscellaneous irresponsibilities.

I’m graduating in a few weeks, both from school and from the MJA. Partly I’m no longer interested in half-assing the website, especially since there are more capable hands involved now. But a large part of it is also politics. There has been some ridiculous, idiotic bickering going on among the officers lately that I am beyond tired of. I can’t help but be reminded of a Henry Kissinger quote: “University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.” I won’t go into details, but there was mud-slinging from all sides involved over an extremely trivial issue, and I think everyone lost sight of what the MJA is about: Holding fun events, and publishing a helpful newsletter. It is not about creating ones own little fiefdom of loyal subjects; it is not about crusading for equality and justice. It is a handful of people coming together in their free time to make Madison a little less monotonous.

I remember the old MJA. We didn’t have arguments about who should or should not be allowed to do what. We didn’t have voting and vetoes and impeachments. We barely even had rules; the only rule that I remember was common sense. We did things a little haphazardly, but it worked, and everyone was happy with it. I am sad to see the old MJA go.

I hope the new MJA officers can keep the bickering amongst themselves and not let it spoil the other members’ good time. The MJA is a mainstay of the Japanese community in Madison, and I urge the officers not to waste all their good will on irrelevant politics.

Pel’meni is once again open for business! Let the rejoicing begin amidst the noshing of tasty dumpling morsels.

Note: At the moment they don’t have potato, but rest assured that produce trucks have been diverted from around the nation to address this urgent need.